:::::::RunNote:::::::
This will take some time to read.
:::::::EndNote:::::::
– A Reno Roduction -
There has been some confusion amongst “humor” in the past centuries and I’ve taken it upon myself to try and help everyone (as in mankind, not womankind) out.
Jokes are:
33% Content
33% Audience
33% Delivery
1% Not DiGiorno
But I can’t really give yall content help because it’ll make your head explode. And seeing as I can't really help what kind of audience you have (I mean, I COULD but it would take A LOT of silly putty) that leaves me with…
The delivery portion. And not in the way like I’m going to teach you how to do it (again, your head will explode) but in the way that will set a spark in a California national forest.
And maybe, just maybe, that last 1% will be found your heart and not in your glass of milk. (Side note: I can't taste the difference between skim and whole milk. I think that's as close as I will ever come to being an X-Man.)
*Disclaimer: I don't do all of these. I can just recognize them.*
--- Witty - AKA The Reno Family humor (okay, maybe just the males in the family). This humor is a king amongst peasant humors, so much so that Stephen Colbert himself has adopted this as his own trademark humor.
*** Subgroup A: Nerd Humor - Don't knock it 'till you try it; and don't try it unless you do/have done one/all of the following: have mastered a video game in its entirety, took calculus, computer programmed for more than three years, drive a van, go to Stanford, etc. etc. Traditionally, Nerd Humor usually deals with science/math puns (so, obviously, girls will be bad at it).
Downside: None. Except there will always be people who won't understand it. Which isn't a downside for us, just them.
*** Subgroup B: Rhymes/Alliterations/Allusions/Other Poetic Schemes – This is just like Nerd Humor, but without a Y chromosome. And while the girls were supposed to take over this one, it turns out that they’re not funny (way to drop the ball, girls). Hey, don’t get in an uproar, I just call them how I see them. And I see that Kathy Griffin really is a B-list celeb for a reason. Anyways, the guys had to pick up where the girls never started. Which proves the old saying: if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. Unless girls are doing it, in which is it most likely broke already. Better let a guy handle over from here.
Rhymes are always funny because they're always true. Same goes for alliterations. Example:
Hey queer,
don't go in there.
Exit only.
I'm not that lonely.
or
Gays got giseases.
Downside: Sometimes rappers abuse this one by trying to rap with it, which is kinda funny, but when you rhyme "bomb" and "wisdom" it kinda loses its funniness. And if you've got to fix the grammar/spelling/punctuation of the joke, it's not funny. In fact, if you try to make a joke about one of the above while messing it up at the same time, you will immediately die (just a quick heads up!). Plus, allusions are a waste of time mainly because they send false messages. I could totally go back over the Rubicon if I wanted to and I could also get a pound of flesh without spilling a drop of blood; it’s called an IV, duh.
Going along with the above...
--- Inappropriate humor – Face it, whether if it’s setting a program on fire at a wedding or accidentally pooping on everyone’s coats (“Someone pooped on all the coats!”) it’s always funny. And seriously, who’s got more class, the person who’s afraid to say “black” in public or the person who rises up above racism by making fun of it?
*** Sub group - Anti-gay humor – This is HILARIOUS, regardless if there’s a fruit standing right next to you or not. Hopefully, if you employ this as your main humor while you’re in their company, they’ll see their error in their ways (hint for the current queers: you get the pleasure of having a house that’s not “off limits” to younger children if your “life partner” is of the “opposite sex”). Fun fact: this kind of humor is the only thing that saved that Chuck and Larry queer movie with Adam Sandler and the dude off of the King of Queens (which is exactly what he was in the movie/real life).
Downside: If the flamers end up getting a vat of toxic waste dumped on them, they’d really be butt-pirating 24/7.
*** Sub Group - Jokes about Heath Ledger – You forfeit the “Too soon?” question when you do a movie as a gay’d up cowboy. So don’t say "Too soon?" unless you wanna be clumped into the other 5 billion on the world. (His body already started decomposing a long time ago, don't let your jokes do the same!) And plus, if he didn't want us making jokes about him then MAYBE he should have picked another character to end on that WASN'T named "The Joker" (more like the Joke-ee!). My last guess of what his last thought was? "Oh man I'm so tired I could go for a coma right now! Better take all these sleeping pills to ensure that I'll never wake up ever again. Ha-ha. Who am I kidding, that’ll never happen..."
Downside: Heath Ledger comes back as a zombie and kills all the people that made fun of him. THIS IS THE ONLY DOWNSIDE.
--- Noises/Sounds - Pokemon sounds are always funny (SQUIRTLE IN YOUR EYE BALL!) but Digimon has never really caught on for some reason...
Downside: Not all places are appropriate for noise humor. Like, let's say, concert recitals or games of hide-n-go-kill.
--- Facial Expressions - Personally, this is more an art than a skill if you ask me. Either you're born with it or you're not. So that alone limits it from being higher up on the jokem pole.
Top 3 faces:
The "Jim" Face (Duh).
The "Who farted?" Face.
The "I just ate a bumble bee in mistake for a peppermint!" Face.
Downsides: Sometimes you get into a rut in which you ALWAYS do one face. This is bad. Remember how your mother told you that if you kept making that face it'd stick like that? Well she was right. Just ask Renee Zellweger. (http://imdb.com/media/rm262313472/nm0000250 ).
--- Impressions/Quotes - Harry Potter spells are fun (which is mainly because that it really belongs in the Nerd Humor group) but half the time people misquote the quote, which KILLS me. And I'm not talking about a simple adjective change. I'm talking about someone changing Christopher Walken's line in the Blue Oyster skit to:
"By the time we're done here, you'll all be eating gold plated diapers!"
Which, I mean, you can see where it kinda takes away from the joke, right?
Downside: The only impression I can do is one of the 50 "Cool Beans" in Hot Rod. Thus, if Will Reno is bad at it, it's probably not worth doing.
*** Sub Group: That's what she said. Just PLEASE make sure it fits (<--- set up). I'm sick and tired of "That's what she said" turning into "That's what he said!" Come on guys, we’re trying to STOP the gays from extending their list of “Things homos are ruining now a days.”
--- Inside Jokes - Even for the "in" crowd, the joke becomes old when it's your "go to" conversation. Plus, I hated that stupid snaps game at camp.
Downsides: If you add “Remember when…” before just about any statement, the person will say “Oh yeah!” out of politeness. Use this to your advantage! This isn’t actually a downside, it’s a, uh, what’s the opposite of a downside? Oh yeah, a downotherside.
--- Prop Required Humor -
Really funny when the jokes are just made up on the spot.
Mildly funny when it's prepared.
Not funny at all when the prop is a doll whom you stick your hand into his spine (possibly ruined by the media this for me: freakin' Lamb Chops is the DEVIL! No matter how many times you he sang that song, it never changed the fact that I wanted to eat that sheep.) The big exception to this is that shadow puppets are pure magic. (”How did you make a turkey out of your hand!?!”)
Downside: Sometimes your prop turns into a trilogy movie set people-killing machine while only standing two feet tall.
--- Else anti-humor - Solely directed at a group of people, not just one person; which turns out to be a lot:
Anti-girl
Anti-black (also known as racism)
Anti-terrorists
Anti-dinosaurs.
Plus, this is an acquired taste to begin with and is only funny in certain regions of the world. Specifically and respectively...
The Middle East
Louisiana
America
Indian reservations.
Apparently, a lot of people just find the second one offensive. Especially people not from Loseranna or are non-Air Force football head coaches. ("It just seems to be that way, that Afro-American kids can run very, very well.")
Downside: You can go to jail for one of these.
--- Gansta Humor - You would think this would be above in the anti-humor category but I guess I've just see Drumline and You Got Served (Drumline sequel) too many times. Although when you have the ability to change the number of syllables in a word, that is somewhat impressive.
Downside: Someone might try to shoot at you while you try to pull of Gansta Humor while wearing a bandana.
--- Body humor - there's only two types of body humors:
*** Sub Group A: Gay Body Humor: Stops being funny when you've done it more than two weeks and is your "go to" humor. Really stops being funny when the person turns out to be gay. And who wants that? Gays! That’s who!
Downside: You turn out to really be gay.
*** Sub Group B: Self-Inflicted Pain Humor - AKA The Falling Down Syndrome. Self described. Use in discretion.
Downside: People usually just end up feeling bad for the person and NEVER TALK TO THEM AGAIN.
--- Popsicle Stick Humor – As in jokes that are found on popsicle sticks (Why did the pilgrim’s pants keep falling down? Because his buckle’s on his hat! Actually… that one was pretty funny.) This kind of humor gets laughs from people who are:
Currently fasting from sleep since a week ago
Girls
On cocaine
Downside: This humor is traditionally done by moms, so heads up. Unless you want to start driving a mini-van to soccer practice keep those popsicle puns to yourself.
--- Unoriginal humor - Like stealing a friend's joke. Funny when the friend doesn’t know; really funny when the friend finds out (“Dude that was totally my joke!”).
*** Sub Group A: Prepared Humor – Funny when they’re on the stand, not funny when you’re… anywhere else. Usually occurs when someone is either telling a story about himself. You can spot this fraudulent bogusness if the person waits for you to laugh or is reading note cards.
Downside: Only funny if they don't find out. People have been known to kill other people over a joke in Australia where they have nothing else to do.
--- Personal Sayings - A phrase that's kinda like your own personal motto.
Downside: In my experience, the only thing that is funny is "It's okay I'm Will Reno." because it's true. All the other ones I can remember aren't worth remembering. If you’re looking for a personal saying, try using “It’s okay, I’m (your name)” in a sticky situation. But make sure you give them a little piece of paper that is citing me, or I’ll sue you for plagiarism.
--- Predictable Humor - Maybe it's just me and my infinite wisdom, but if I can think of the punch line before you say it, I should be able to punch you in the nose. Don’t think that Mariokart is the only place where you can steal something that isn't a physical object!
Downside: You might get punched in the nose.
--- Nonsensical Humor – “Whoa, Will, don’t you do this?" No. I have never done this. Everything I have said has somehow made a connection in my mind to the previous statement. In fact, call me out on the next time you think I do this and I'll replay what happened in my mind, which usually creates a Scrubs/Family Guy memory trial.
Downside: People actually laugh at this because they hear the delivery and not the content. And are dumb.
--- Self-Appreciating Humor – AKA The I'm-better-than-you humor.
Downside: No one cares that you met the goalie from the Big Green.
--- Cursealicious Humor – When you’re humor wouldn’t be allowed on primetime CBS.
Downside: Half the time when someone cusses, it doesn't really make sense half the time - verbs are verbs and nouns are nouns. Don't try to gay it up by mixing the natural order of the two.
--- Nazi Humor – Always a hot topic…
Downside: Comes off rude more times than not. I think someone should have given Hitler a heads up.
--- TBS Humor – Anyone that tries to act like they can break down humor into a mathematical formula has another thing comin’ to them.
Downside: They have another thing coming to them.
And if you end up being the 40% of the nation that can not be funny (I believe it's in the genetics, but that's another story) at least know that sympathy laughs aren't necessary but sympathy stabs in the gut are encouraged.
This will take some time to read.
:::::::EndNote:::::::
– A Reno Roduction -
There has been some confusion amongst “humor” in the past centuries and I’ve taken it upon myself to try and help everyone (as in mankind, not womankind) out.
Jokes are:
33% Content
33% Audience
33% Delivery
1% Not DiGiorno
But I can’t really give yall content help because it’ll make your head explode. And seeing as I can't really help what kind of audience you have (I mean, I COULD but it would take A LOT of silly putty) that leaves me with…
The delivery portion. And not in the way like I’m going to teach you how to do it (again, your head will explode) but in the way that will set a spark in a California national forest.
And maybe, just maybe, that last 1% will be found your heart and not in your glass of milk. (Side note: I can't taste the difference between skim and whole milk. I think that's as close as I will ever come to being an X-Man.)
*Disclaimer: I don't do all of these. I can just recognize them.*
--- Witty - AKA The Reno Family humor (okay, maybe just the males in the family). This humor is a king amongst peasant humors, so much so that Stephen Colbert himself has adopted this as his own trademark humor.
*** Subgroup A: Nerd Humor - Don't knock it 'till you try it; and don't try it unless you do/have done one/all of the following: have mastered a video game in its entirety, took calculus, computer programmed for more than three years, drive a van, go to Stanford, etc. etc. Traditionally, Nerd Humor usually deals with science/math puns (so, obviously, girls will be bad at it).
Downside: None. Except there will always be people who won't understand it. Which isn't a downside for us, just them.
*** Subgroup B: Rhymes/Alliterations/Allus
Rhymes are always funny because they're always true. Same goes for alliterations. Example:
Hey queer,
don't go in there.
Exit only.
I'm not that lonely.
or
Gays got giseases.
Downside: Sometimes rappers abuse this one by trying to rap with it, which is kinda funny, but when you rhyme "bomb" and "wisdom" it kinda loses its funniness. And if you've got to fix the grammar/spelling/punctuati
Going along with the above...
--- Inappropriate humor – Face it, whether if it’s setting a program on fire at a wedding or accidentally pooping on everyone’s coats (“Someone pooped on all the coats!”) it’s always funny. And seriously, who’s got more class, the person who’s afraid to say “black” in public or the person who rises up above racism by making fun of it?
*** Sub group - Anti-gay humor – This is HILARIOUS, regardless if there’s a fruit standing right next to you or not. Hopefully, if you employ this as your main humor while you’re in their company, they’ll see their error in their ways (hint for the current queers: you get the pleasure of having a house that’s not “off limits” to younger children if your “life partner” is of the “opposite sex”). Fun fact: this kind of humor is the only thing that saved that Chuck and Larry queer movie with Adam Sandler and the dude off of the King of Queens (which is exactly what he was in the movie/real life).
Downside: If the flamers end up getting a vat of toxic waste dumped on them, they’d really be butt-pirating 24/7.
*** Sub Group - Jokes about Heath Ledger – You forfeit the “Too soon?” question when you do a movie as a gay’d up cowboy. So don’t say "Too soon?" unless you wanna be clumped into the other 5 billion on the world. (His body already started decomposing a long time ago, don't let your jokes do the same!) And plus, if he didn't want us making jokes about him then MAYBE he should have picked another character to end on that WASN'T named "The Joker" (more like the Joke-ee!). My last guess of what his last thought was? "Oh man I'm so tired I could go for a coma right now! Better take all these sleeping pills to ensure that I'll never wake up ever again. Ha-ha. Who am I kidding, that’ll never happen..."
Downside: Heath Ledger comes back as a zombie and kills all the people that made fun of him. THIS IS THE ONLY DOWNSIDE.
--- Noises/Sounds - Pokemon sounds are always funny (SQUIRTLE IN YOUR EYE BALL!) but Digimon has never really caught on for some reason...
Downside: Not all places are appropriate for noise humor. Like, let's say, concert recitals or games of hide-n-go-kill.
--- Facial Expressions - Personally, this is more an art than a skill if you ask me. Either you're born with it or you're not. So that alone limits it from being higher up on the jokem pole.
Top 3 faces:
The "Jim" Face (Duh).
The "Who farted?" Face.
The "I just ate a bumble bee in mistake for a peppermint!" Face.
Downsides: Sometimes you get into a rut in which you ALWAYS do one face. This is bad. Remember how your mother told you that if you kept making that face it'd stick like that? Well she was right. Just ask Renee Zellweger. (http://imdb.com/media/rm26
--- Impressions/Quotes - Harry Potter spells are fun (which is mainly because that it really belongs in the Nerd Humor group) but half the time people misquote the quote, which KILLS me. And I'm not talking about a simple adjective change. I'm talking about someone changing Christopher Walken's line in the Blue Oyster skit to:
"By the time we're done here, you'll all be eating gold plated diapers!"
Which, I mean, you can see where it kinda takes away from the joke, right?
Downside: The only impression I can do is one of the 50 "Cool Beans" in Hot Rod. Thus, if Will Reno is bad at it, it's probably not worth doing.
*** Sub Group: That's what she said. Just PLEASE make sure it fits (<--- set up). I'm sick and tired of "That's what she said" turning into "That's what he said!" Come on guys, we’re trying to STOP the gays from extending their list of “Things homos are ruining now a days.”
--- Inside Jokes - Even for the "in" crowd, the joke becomes old when it's your "go to" conversation. Plus, I hated that stupid snaps game at camp.
Downsides: If you add “Remember when…” before just about any statement, the person will say “Oh yeah!” out of politeness. Use this to your advantage! This isn’t actually a downside, it’s a, uh, what’s the opposite of a downside? Oh yeah, a downotherside.
--- Prop Required Humor -
Really funny when the jokes are just made up on the spot.
Mildly funny when it's prepared.
Not funny at all when the prop is a doll whom you stick your hand into his spine (possibly ruined by the media this for me: freakin' Lamb Chops is the DEVIL! No matter how many times you he sang that song, it never changed the fact that I wanted to eat that sheep.) The big exception to this is that shadow puppets are pure magic. (”How did you make a turkey out of your hand!?!”)
Downside: Sometimes your prop turns into a trilogy movie set people-killing machine while only standing two feet tall.
--- Else anti-humor - Solely directed at a group of people, not just one person; which turns out to be a lot:
Anti-girl
Anti-black (also known as racism)
Anti-terrorists
Anti-dinosaurs.
Plus, this is an acquired taste to begin with and is only funny in certain regions of the world. Specifically and respectively...
The Middle East
Louisiana
America
Indian reservations.
Apparently, a lot of people just find the second one offensive. Especially people not from Loseranna or are non-Air Force football head coaches. ("It just seems to be that way, that Afro-American kids can run very, very well.")
Downside: You can go to jail for one of these.
--- Gansta Humor - You would think this would be above in the anti-humor category but I guess I've just see Drumline and You Got Served (Drumline sequel) too many times. Although when you have the ability to change the number of syllables in a word, that is somewhat impressive.
Downside: Someone might try to shoot at you while you try to pull of Gansta Humor while wearing a bandana.
--- Body humor - there's only two types of body humors:
*** Sub Group A: Gay Body Humor: Stops being funny when you've done it more than two weeks and is your "go to" humor. Really stops being funny when the person turns out to be gay. And who wants that? Gays! That’s who!
Downside: You turn out to really be gay.
*** Sub Group B: Self-Inflicted Pain Humor - AKA The Falling Down Syndrome. Self described. Use in discretion.
Downside: People usually just end up feeling bad for the person and NEVER TALK TO THEM AGAIN.
--- Popsicle Stick Humor – As in jokes that are found on popsicle sticks (Why did the pilgrim’s pants keep falling down? Because his buckle’s on his hat! Actually… that one was pretty funny.) This kind of humor gets laughs from people who are:
Currently fasting from sleep since a week ago
Girls
On cocaine
Downside: This humor is traditionally done by moms, so heads up. Unless you want to start driving a mini-van to soccer practice keep those popsicle puns to yourself.
--- Unoriginal humor - Like stealing a friend's joke. Funny when the friend doesn’t know; really funny when the friend finds out (“Dude that was totally my joke!”).
*** Sub Group A: Prepared Humor – Funny when they’re on the stand, not funny when you’re… anywhere else. Usually occurs when someone is either telling a story about himself. You can spot this fraudulent bogusness if the person waits for you to laugh or is reading note cards.
Downside: Only funny if they don't find out. People have been known to kill other people over a joke in Australia where they have nothing else to do.
--- Personal Sayings - A phrase that's kinda like your own personal motto.
Downside: In my experience, the only thing that is funny is "It's okay I'm Will Reno." because it's true. All the other ones I can remember aren't worth remembering. If you’re looking for a personal saying, try using “It’s okay, I’m (your name)” in a sticky situation. But make sure you give them a little piece of paper that is citing me, or I’ll sue you for plagiarism.
--- Predictable Humor - Maybe it's just me and my infinite wisdom, but if I can think of the punch line before you say it, I should be able to punch you in the nose. Don’t think that Mariokart is the only place where you can steal something that isn't a physical object!
Downside: You might get punched in the nose.
--- Nonsensical Humor – “Whoa, Will, don’t you do this?" No. I have never done this. Everything I have said has somehow made a connection in my mind to the previous statement. In fact, call me out on the next time you think I do this and I'll replay what happened in my mind, which usually creates a Scrubs/Family Guy memory trial.
Downside: People actually laugh at this because they hear the delivery and not the content. And are dumb.
--- Self-Appreciating Humor – AKA The I'm-better-than-you humor.
Downside: No one cares that you met the goalie from the Big Green.
--- Cursealicious Humor – When you’re humor wouldn’t be allowed on primetime CBS.
Downside: Half the time when someone cusses, it doesn't really make sense half the time - verbs are verbs and nouns are nouns. Don't try to gay it up by mixing the natural order of the two.
--- Nazi Humor – Always a hot topic…
Downside: Comes off rude more times than not. I think someone should have given Hitler a heads up.
--- TBS Humor – Anyone that tries to act like they can break down humor into a mathematical formula has another thing comin’ to them.
Downside: They have another thing coming to them.
And if you end up being the 40% of the nation that can not be funny (I believe it's in the genetics, but that's another story) at least know that sympathy laughs aren't necessary but sympathy stabs in the gut are encouraged.
WR '11
4 comments:
Personal Sayings:
I can think of several of my friends that did that successfully with other phrases:
Noah- "Don't Care. I'm French."
Josh- "I'm Josh Fortner, Biiiiyaaahh!"
Myself- "Oh yeah. THAT JUST HAPPENED. I so just went there."
Ryan- "You're a {last noun spoken}."
(I know Ryan didn't invent this, but it's totally his, if you've witnessed it, you know)
No one cares that you met the goalie from the Big Green.
I would. I totally would. If anyone told me that, I would instantly want to be their BFF.
Funny stuff, man. I'm going to add Harding Humor to the Political Cartel blogroll and hopefully we can send you some extra traffic every once in a while. More people should be reading this.
prb:
I forgot to mention another saying:
David Baird: "It's because I'm a superior vibe, baby!"
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