Connect the Dots: Conspiracy Theories on Harding's Campus

Last February US Government officials announced that they planned to shoot down a malfunctioning US Spy Satellite. This announcement was quickly executed to protect the public from possible exposure to the satellites toxic fuel and met with opposition from the Chinese and Russian governments. At Harding Humor we would love to enlighten you as to the real design of this missile launch and its opposition. The US Government did in fact destroy the satellite they targeted on their first attempt. This "spy satellite" contained a toxic fuel with which it maneuvered once in space and this fuel risked being leaked and harming the public. This is perhaps the lamest lie the government has ever fed us. At Harding Humor we know that the "satellite" targeted was Dino-1, the interstellar shuttle that the dinosaur remnant uses to keep contact with Earth. When the dinosaurs left this planet many years ago, they remained in contact with Earth and protect our solar system from intergalactic threats. However, after recent political actions amongst the dinosaurs, they decided to move their primary contact with Earth from the USA to France. This infuriated the American government and they sought revenge on the Dinosaurs. France planted dissent amongst the Russian and Chinese governments so that they could oppose the upcoming missle launch. We at Harding Humor have very close relations with the dinosaurs, featuring their many different species that still visit our planet weekly last semester. Also, my namesake was responsible for the book chronicling their history, entitled, "What Happened To Patrick's Dinosaur's". The resulting scenario unfolded: The dinosaurs sent a decoy satellite to establish contact with France. This was shot down by the US. The Dinosaurs were offended and decided to choose an apolitical emissary to Earth and approached Harding Humor. We are now the official emissaries of the Dinosaur Republic to Earth. Now we know that the government is still sore at us for our exposure of their android program, but this was not our choice, the Dinosaurs approached us.
Here are some evidence of our story for you doubters. Compare the legendary Patrick's drawings of the dinosaurs spacecraft to that shot down in the video on Fox News. And one question from the dinosaurs to Mr. Centanni of Fox News: If the debris lands in the ocean why do you call it "landing" instead of "watering"? For those already convinced, we'll do our best to keep you in touch with the dinosaurs protecting our civilization.

Sir Knight Patrick Baird, Esquire
Editor-in-Chief

The Great Nemesis Song Experiment

Throughout the years there have been many different genres of music that I have listened to avidly. None implicitly better than the others, merely different. Despite all the musical, stylistic, and cultural diversity, all genres have one thing in common. Yes, be it hip-hop, country, techno, bluegrass, or jazz every genre has at the very least one song that is just TERRIBLE. One song that makes your stomach churn and brings headaches while simultaneously generating enough hate to fuel a small storm of Dark Side Electricity (yes I just referenced Star Wars, but that's an entirely different rant). Some of these songs have even the audacity to lodge themselves somewhere in your subconscious and hide within the folds of your memory, an ostentatious soundtrack to the rest of your sub-par, tired day. You start to taste bile in the back of your throat only to realize you have been subtly singing the very song you despise, spreading the disease to those around you. Sometimes these songs forgo the subtlety of infiltration and in brazen effrontery come from every speaker in your vicinity. These songs have gone on with a certain timelessness that allows them to infect many generations beyond their targets of origin. These songs are your nemeses. They are the enemies of your sanity, undermining the greater efforts of humanity from the moment of their conception. Everyone has certain songs that elicit these emotions, and these are your nemesis songs. You are cringing right now at the very thought of these songs, trying not to actually think of them for fear that they will torment you again. It is this very reaction that is allowing the nemesis song to exist. It is time that society takes a stand against these songs. That is why I'm proposing that we attempt to compile a list of everyone's nemesis songs so that we can combat them. Until we know which songs are the worst offenders we cannot know how stiff to make the punishment. So please join the battle against nemesis songs and stick it to these travesties of sound. If you are so compelled post your nemesis songs below so that Harding Humor can lead the battle with an exhaustive list of all the world's nemesis songs. Don't give up hope! Remember, as long as karma can find its way back to MC Hammer than there is hope for the musical world.

Sir Knight Patrick Baird, Esquire
Editor-In-Chief

Good Stuff and Harding

There's good stuff and then there's Harding, sometimes there is both. When that happens we like to celebrate here at Harding Humor. As we've said many times before, Harding should rise to our level, so that we aren't picking on those lower than us. Here is the latest offspring of Mr. Good Stuff and Madam Harding: The Harding University Concert Choir.

This Good Stuff Review is brought to you by Editor-In-Chief, Sir Knight Patrick Baird Esquire.

Last night I had the privilege of seeing many of my good friends perform as part of the Harding University Concert Choir. The Concert Choir did an excellent job and brought much honor upon the University I seek to satirize. The concert was never boring, neither too short nor too long. Throughout the concert members of the Choir would step out and introduce the next composition. These pithy segways, were interesting and entertaining. Specifically, I found it interesting when Peter Snell introduced his song and I found it entertaining when Dr. Shearin immediately undermined the first introduction that didn't sound forced by commenting that, "The sun is coming out, and no tornadoes this time!" I guess if you get right down to it the only thing I didn't like about the concert was Dr. Shearin. Allow me to elaborate, during the song "People Need the Lord" Dr. Shearin takes a solo with the choir backing him. Now, I know that in collegiate choirs this is not uncommon and I do not object to Dr. Shearin taking a solo. I think that Dr. Shearin has a lovely voice, but I find it very distracting the way Dr. Shearin "directs" (this is my best explanation for what he was doing with his hands) when he is soloing. The way he gestured at the audience during that piece reminded me of vaudeville or crooning lounge singers, an image that is not complementary to "People Need the Lord". The video posted below is an example of what I mean. It is just so distracting. Now, I know that it is rather vain to think that Dr. Shearin reads this blog, but if he "stumbles across it" perhaps he will see my point and concede to just keep his hands by his sides next time. Overall the Concert Choir did a great job and I'm looking forward to seeing them again.

If you find other good stuff that is related to Harding, let us know email Editor Patrick Baird at pbaird@harding.edu

Deep and Insightful Thought of the Day

Lance Bass is the George Michaels of our generation, only thankfully he didn't ever start a song with the word "Jitterbug". So I guess overall our generation is a lot less flaming than the 80s.

RH '11, PB '11

Deep and Insightful Thought of the Day

The Knight's Joust, hosted by the Knights social club, would be a lot more popular if Heath Ledger came, especially when you consider the fact that he's dead. Actors are always more popular after they're dead.

PB '11

Good Stuff and Harding

There's good stuff and then there's Harding, sometimes there is both. When that happens we like to celebrate here at Harding Humor. As we've said many times before, Harding should rise to our level, so that we aren't picking on those lower than us. Here is the latest offspring of Mr. Good Stuff and Madam Harding: The Opinionated Show.

This Good Stuff review is brought to you by Editor-In-Chief, Sir Knight Patrick Baird Esquire.

The Opinionated Show is a podcast about Apple Computers, liberal politics, and whatever else Jonathan Freese and Chris Berry have on their minds. In the most recent episode the Democratic Duo interview Dr. Jack Shock, Public Relations professor at Harding University. The podcast is insightful and funny, which are obviously important to you if you read Harding Humor. Deep topics such as doorstops, Oregon Trail, and "God" in Montana. Now the fact that Chris Berry is the author of our fellow Harding Blog, TheChrisBerry might bias this review. Or perhaps the fact that I'm a PR major and Dr. Shock is an excellent teacher and experienced PR man has an effect on this review. Or maybe, just maybe, the fact that Jonathan Freese is my fifth cousin and today is his birthday makes this blogger a little Opinionated towards The Opinionated Show. It's okay, its in our blood. Be sure to check out The Opinionated Show, available at theopinionatedshow.com or on the iTunes store. Check it out and tell us what you think.

If you find other good stuff that is related to Harding, let us know email Editor Patrick Baird at pbaird@harding.edu

Deep and Insightful Thought of the Day

"AIDS" has a deceptively positive connotation, while "treatment" has a deceptively negative connotation. If they were both on a menu at a restaurant I'd never visited before, I would pick "AIDS". My gut instinct hates me.

PB '11

Deep and Insightful Thought of the Day Contest

Post your Deep and Insightful Answer to this Deep and Insightful Question and win a post dedicated to you on Harding Humor.

Deep and Insightful Question of the Day:
If you bred a ferret with an eagle what would the resulting species name be?


AE '11, PB'11

Deep and Insightful Thought of the Day

Along the lines of yesterday's thought:

Sonic's "Happy Hour" is only one hour before "Pee Hour", perhaps "Hap" is a prefix meaning "One hour before".

PB '11

Deep and Insightful Thought of the Day

Don't go shopping at the mall during "Dinosaur Hour".

PB '11