Harding Humor's Android Control Programming Guide

Due to encounters with androids on campus, encounters meaning Ryan and I being stalked by androids, I have developed this handy guide to programming your own androids.

Code 1:

100101010101010101010100101010100000010101000010101010101010101001

If you are an android and you just read that, you are now compelled to read the rest of these codes and return periodically for more programming updates. That's right you've been tricked. I have no androids of my own, but by spying on me you have infected your own programming and are now under my control every day from 4:12 PM until 5:59 PM. Ha! Retaliate that!

Code 2:

100101010101010101010101010111111011

If you are an android and you just read that, you are now compelled to pour chocolate sauce on every Harding logo you see. (Sorry ServiceMaster but the androids have forced me to turn the tabe's and start using them as a guerrilla force of mild annoyance until they are reprogrammed to stop stalking me.)

Code 3:

101010101000100010101010100000101010

If you are an android and you just read that, you are now compelled to go to chapel everyday and not use any of your skips. If you are not an android know that I would never wish this travesty on you, although I do find it suspicious that you are still reading this without compulsion programming.

Code 4:

10001010101010101010101010101010100010000001010001

If you are an android and you just read that, you are now compelled to turn to a game show when your career washes up in 20 years.

Code 5:

101010101110101011

This is the simplest code of all. If you are an android and you just read that, you are now compelled to vote for David Manes of Political Cartel for a political blogging scholarship by clicking on the following link.

LINK

If you are not an android, I don't want to force you to vote, but might I persuade you to support a fellow Harding student, so that we might gain some national respect. I'd like that, then we would be picking on someone our own size. Check it out and decide for yourself. Besides, Mr. Manes can't pay me kickbacks to not make fun of him if he's all paying for school and stuff ( just kidding) (for now anyways).

Sir Knight Patrick Baird, Esquire
Editor-In-Chief
Harding Humor

Deep and Insightful Thought of the Day

Having work that is in some way published or publicized be referred to as "liberal garbage" at Harding, ensures people care what you have to say. Being referred to as "hilarious" or "pretty funny" or "kinda funny sometimes" or "sounds good I should read sometime before the semester is over" or "dead" (Andrew, you are still not atoned) ensures the android problem is a lot worse than Ryan or I first suspected.

PB '11

Contents of a Dead Man's Pockets

Tupac Shakur (inspired by today's chapel):
-Thousands of Dollars in cash held together by a rubber band
-A Blue bandana
-A card that says: "If found please notify Dr. John Moon Jr. of Harding University."
-A complete book of the lyrics of Bob Dylan
-The Harper Collins Pocket Classic Edition of Alex Hailey's Roots
-A picture of his mother
-Dame Juli Andrew's cell phone number scribbled on a restaurant napkin
-Photo ID
-Pocket Lent

PB '11

Deep and Insightful Thought of the Day

B. Chris Simpson is probably the only black man to mention the Black Panthers, "Power", and the East/West hip-hop rivalry in a public forum at Harding, and more than likely he doesn't realize the people chuckling in chapel this morning were actually just laughing at the thought that B. Chris told everyone Tupac Shakur was actually dead. Everyone knows he lives with Dr. Moon in the Pryor Science Building right here on campus.

PB '11

Deep and Insightful Thought of the Day

If you can excuse a persons actions by saying "They're not a morning person" than I would like to contend that Hitler "was not a 40's person". Yeah, you just read sarcasm. Congrats.

PB '11

Deep and Insightful Thought of the Day

Dora the Explorer would make a great politician because everyday she pauses to pretend like she cares how people are going to answer her questions before she moves on with her agenda.

PB '11

Deep and Insightful Thought of the Day

Broccoli each day keeps your bowels at bay.


RH '11

Deep and Insightful Thought of the Day

The author of "The Game" has never met Zach Fetterman.

PB '11

Educated Guesses

Why Armstrong Hall has the fire alarm go off sooooo many times:

-It's highly flammable
-Men can't cook
-Man funk smells like smoke
-Poltergeist
-That's not the fire alarm that's the doorbell
-Everytime a smoke detector beeps an angel gets its wings
-Arson
-Fire alarms sensitive to fire ants
-Bison Days students are ridiculous and shouldn't be allowed to come to Harding
-The fire department thinks seeing at least one student mostly naked (without fail) is funny
-Our fire alarms are intercepting intergalactic messages
-Mrs. Lemmons' death stare can burn through souls

PB '11

Deep and Insightful Thought of the Day

This is our heritage: When Men wear ridiculously tight pants, hilarity ensues; thus trousers begot comedy and comedy begot drag-queens and drag-queens begot manpris and manpris begot Harding Humor, so using the transitive property trousers begot Harding Humor.

PB '11