Thursday, December 27, 2007

Its Aliiiiiive!!!!


For anyone who has felt the need to inform me that this blog is dead, please, read this post. Although most of my audience probably won't check this out until Harding's next semester starts , those of you who subscribe (and then complain to me) will hopefully be satisfied.

Now, about this blog being dead. Hmmm, let's review that assertion. For some reason I find that statement to be completely false and unfounded. First of all, let's consider how to diagnose death. Although I am not an expert on the passing on of beings, I am positive of a one thing. In order to die something first must be alive. Although it is debatable whether or not a blog is a living thing, I will give you some leeway and assume that this blog was (and still is) alive. So how can you tell if something is alive. Well, one predominant way of determining if something is alive is by checking its heartbeat. Although not all living beings have a heart, for example I cite David Loan (true the man has told me he has no heart, and he has never lied to me yet) this blog does indeed have a heart. A heart is the muscle that pushes the nutrient rich blood to the other pieces of the organism in order to ensure their continuing function. If you would excuse the vanity, I would hold that I am this blog's heart. I ensure that all parts of the blog run and make sure that no bit gets left out. I ensure that every article works at its highest potential. While the heart may have slowed down a bit, I have certainly not stopped working.
Another sign of death, especially with species such as Mr. Loan that operate without a heart, would be that the nervous system stops working. Now, we all no that the nervous system in what allows something to interact with others, so in the case of this blog the internet is said nervous system. As the graph shown above clearly shows, the internet has not forsaken our lovely blog. That is just this last week's activity. Clearly we are in good shape in that department. Well, what about plants? The last few assumptions have been made in the vein of proclaiming animals dead. When plants die, their chloroplasts stop creating sugars for the plant to use as sustenance. The sustenance of this blog is the daily events in my life and my cutting wit and wisdom. I suppose that as long as I, Patrick Baird, am alive that facet of the blog will be taken care of. One slightly less scientific method of determining death is by witnessing decomposition of said subject. It is clear that this blog is not decomposing by any means. So let's review the evidence: The heart has slowed its activity but is still operating and the nervous system is still functioning; the blog is getting plenty of sustenance and is not decaying at all. This seems to indicate to me that the blog is not dead just simply hibernating for the winter, in similar fashion to bears (with the exception of the Berenstain Bears). So for all you naysayers (Andrew), this blog is not dead, it's just not funny (sigh).

Patrick Baird, Editor-in-Chief
Harding Humor