Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Dinosaur of the week

Freshasaurus: This dinosaur insists on using the slang of the early nineties black culture even though they are white and whose only experience with black culture are VH1's Hip Hop Honors and reruns of The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. The freshasaurus can often be spotted wearing bold, bright colors that only barely refrain from clashing, for example the infamous hang ten shirt of the 90s. Increase in Freshasaurus population has lead to the reintroduction of the hang ten shirt, the striped polo, the trucker hat, and the colored undershirt in large retail stores such as Wal-Mart and Target. The freshasaurus is not limited to this guise by any means. Often the most dangerous sub-species of freshasaurus are the "Preppy Freshasaurus" and the "Skater Freshasaurus" they do not appear to be freshasaurus at first, but once they begin to speak it becomes obvious that they are freshasaurus. The freshasaurus is dangerous once it begins to speak, its use of the words "Dope", "fresh", and "stupid" can cause the painful pulling out of one's hair. It deadly use of the word "da" in place of "the" can lead to a fatal head explosion caused by intense confusion. But, perhaps the most dangerous tool of the Freshasaurus is its ability to stir up nostalgia for the nineties through its behavior, this leads to the temporary transforming of its prey into another freshasaurus. Although the state of freshasaurus is usually temporary to the prey, the damage this does to the preys reputation is the equivalent of leprosy. In rare cases the nostalgic bite can cause permanent transformation of the prey. By all accounts avoid the freshasaurus, but if you must come into contact with a freshasaurus try to do so in large groups, and use these tips to protect yourself: Sing Tom Jones songs, this will remind the freshasaurus of Carlton from Fresh Prince and give you a chance to escape; if the freshasaurus is wearing Hammer pants, pull them over its eyes and run away; start any line from "Ice, Ice, Baby" but don't finish it, the Freshasaurus will be forced to speak the rhyming line, use this opportunity to flee; if all other techniques fail than try to pass yourself off as a freshasaurus by saying you are "kickin' over to the mall to snatch some new adidas" or you need to "catch your homeboys" these are both "legit" reasons you must leave in the mind of the Freshasaurus. So as you go about your business on campus this week, keep an eye out for this modern dinosaur, the Freshasaurus.

PB '11

The Blurb Number#

This is our first "number", and with pledge week coming up we thought we'd dedicate this entry to Harding's Social Clubs. So without further ado Harding Humor gives you... "The Blurb Number#"

Blurbs for Harding's Social Clubs:

Knights: "Everything goes with naked."

Ju Go Ju: "Aren't we adorable, daddy?"

Zeta Rho: "We Heart Harding!"

TNT: "We 'Heart' Harding, too! (Because we heart Zeta Rho)"

Chi Sigma Alpha: "You only love us for our seniors. Hey, remember when Tim Miller made us cool?"

Regina: "Let's talk about our feelings!"

King's Men: "We are too lazy to change our Bible major's club rep."

Gamma Sigma Phi: "Hey, we've got Nate Copeland so we're cool through association!"

Alpha Tau Epsilon: "And we care because..."

Ko Jo Kai: "What's a blurb?"

Titans: "Superiority is compensation."

Theta Psi Kappa: "Our colors are black and not quite as black as the first black, but still undeniably black."

Pi Kappa Epsilon: "We enjoy a good paddling!"

Beta Omega Chi: "Jesus didn't have a sister club."

Sub T-16: "Do you have any idea how long it takes to draw that stupid submarine in the cement?"

PB '11, RH '11, KM '11

Monday, October 8, 2007

Editorial: Manpris vs. Capris for Men

Today I'm turning my attention to one of the up and coming fashion trends on Harding's campus, affectionately known as the manpri. Many of you may have noticed the increased number of gentlemen wearing their pants, typically jeans, with the pantlegs rolled up to the mid/high calf region of their legs. This is the manpri, also known as the "Huck Finn" to some. It is an ingenious way for men to receive the same escape from heat that women do, without breaking Harding's dress code. I myself have been known to pull the manpri on many occasions, even back as far as Junior High. The truth of the matter is that it is comfortable and fashionable.
Now, the wonder that is the manpri goes beyond its cooling powers or stylishness, it is the fact that the manpri isn't an article of clothing that makes it such a marvelous style. The jeans can be worn down during cooler weather, and any pair of jeans can become manpris. It is for this reason that capris for men are such a shameful idea. No, not at all, in no way are manpris and capris for men the same thing. I'm ashamed of you for even thinking such blasphemy. The fact is, no self respecting man would go out of his way to purchase "pants" that is as one dimensional as the capri. Men who own capris cut for men simply have too much money, too feminine taste, or simply have not been enlightened to the existence of the manpri. So I'm proposing a revolution. The Manpri Revolution. I envision a campus full of men bearing their thighs to the breeze. A campus full of men with tan lines just below their knees. I have a dream that every time a pass a gentleman on campus this winter, the knees of his jeans will be slightly wrinkled from being Huck Finned so often during the warmer seasons.
So faculty, staff, naysayers, and capri for men wearing metros, be warned the Manpri Revolution has arrived at Harding University. Rolled up jeans aren't just for rainy days anymore, now they are free to all who seek relief from the pained heat of denim pant legs. Vive Le Manpri!!!!

Patrick Baird, Editor-in-Chief