Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Dinosaur of the week

Freshasaurus: This dinosaur insists on using the slang of the early nineties black culture even though they are white and whose only experience with black culture are VH1's Hip Hop Honors and reruns of The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. The freshasaurus can often be spotted wearing bold, bright colors that only barely refrain from clashing, for example the infamous hang ten shirt of the 90s. Increase in Freshasaurus population has lead to the reintroduction of the hang ten shirt, the striped polo, the trucker hat, and the colored undershirt in large retail stores such as Wal-Mart and Target. The freshasaurus is not limited to this guise by any means. Often the most dangerous sub-species of freshasaurus are the "Preppy Freshasaurus" and the "Skater Freshasaurus" they do not appear to be freshasaurus at first, but once they begin to speak it becomes obvious that they are freshasaurus. The freshasaurus is dangerous once it begins to speak, its use of the words "Dope", "fresh", and "stupid" can cause the painful pulling out of one's hair. It deadly use of the word "da" in place of "the" can lead to a fatal head explosion caused by intense confusion. But, perhaps the most dangerous tool of the Freshasaurus is its ability to stir up nostalgia for the nineties through its behavior, this leads to the temporary transforming of its prey into another freshasaurus. Although the state of freshasaurus is usually temporary to the prey, the damage this does to the preys reputation is the equivalent of leprosy. In rare cases the nostalgic bite can cause permanent transformation of the prey. By all accounts avoid the freshasaurus, but if you must come into contact with a freshasaurus try to do so in large groups, and use these tips to protect yourself: Sing Tom Jones songs, this will remind the freshasaurus of Carlton from Fresh Prince and give you a chance to escape; if the freshasaurus is wearing Hammer pants, pull them over its eyes and run away; start any line from "Ice, Ice, Baby" but don't finish it, the Freshasaurus will be forced to speak the rhyming line, use this opportunity to flee; if all other techniques fail than try to pass yourself off as a freshasaurus by saying you are "kickin' over to the mall to snatch some new adidas" or you need to "catch your homeboys" these are both "legit" reasons you must leave in the mind of the Freshasaurus. So as you go about your business on campus this week, keep an eye out for this modern dinosaur, the Freshasaurus.

PB '11

1 comment:

nateinark said...

Luckily, a combination of global warming and this generation's fascination with indie culture are ensuring the impending extinction of the Freshasaurus.