Thursday, November 1, 2007

Connect the Dots: Harding Conspiracies Revealed

Hundreds of students pass by it everyday. Several university employees work next to or above it and think nothing of it. It has been on campus for as long as any witnesses can remember. What exactly is "it"? It's the cryptic bricked over entrances on either end of the Olen Hendrix building. Yes, you may have briefly glanced at them and thought, "That's odd" or maybe you assumed they lead inside and had been blocked over with the addition of the stairwell outside. If you've been inside the building however, you know that there is no evidence for this. Unfortunately you are missing a crucial truth. The large entryways are reminiscent of a larger importance than the entrance to a building of collegiate classrooms. They are in fact the gateway into a mausoleum unlike any other. Why haven't we connected the dots earlier? Obviously there is a secret way to move past the bricks and enter a wonder filled chamber containing nothing short of the ark of the covenant, the holy grail, the mausoleum of James A Harding himself, and of course the hidden museum of past Spring Sing memorabilia. We have been walking past the most amazing aspect of campus for years. But how do you enter this "chamber of wonders"? Like you would enter any other building, call security. Yes, as homecoming comes up this weekend, I encourage all of you to stand outside of the crypt and call our Public Safety officers and ask them to open the crypt for you. For now, until we know better, the cavern is officially known as the "Chamber of Wonders". Although the officer may claim to have no idea what you are talking about, keep pressing. If you get the chance use force and intimidation to convince them to drop the act and open up. If necessary distract their attention and steal their keys, then go over the keys until we find one that works. Now, not every blow joe public safety officer is going to have a key to the "Chamber of Wonders" so when you call request one of the higher ups, such as Wayne or Craig. If possible pretend to be Dr. Burks when you call, that way they'll be sure to come with the appropriate key for the "Chamber of Wonders". At all costs we must find a way to share this wealth with the rest of the Harding community. So please if you have any information about the "Chamber of Wonders" or wish to help us enter it contact us at hardinghumor@gmail.com. And remember, as you go about your business this week keep your eyes peeled and maybe you to can Connect the Dots.

PB '11

1 comment:

TheChrisBerry said...

Hahaha that's awesome. I added your blog's RSS feed to my Firefox tool bar, and saw this post's title in there and had to read it. I'm a sucker for word combinations like "Harding Conspiracies."