Wednesday, November 28, 2007

My Fellow Americans (sorry to all international students, but you can't vote)....

Harding Humor has so far abstained from entering the realm of politics in any way, shape, or form. This is out of courtesy for the many diverse views students have towards our political system in America.

However a new exciting time is emerging in America and Harding University, through Harding Humor, has been called upon to lead the way in this new front.

Harding Humor is proud to announce the candidacy of Count Von Count, the well known educator, actor, mathematician, counselor, musician, and mediator who makes his residence on Sesame Street.

Yes, the lovable, purple Count IS running for the Presidency of the United States. One Word: Legit.

Count Von Count, known to close friends and business partners as "The Count", is not running a traditional race for the Presidency. Using a personal, down-home, approach to the campaign trail Count Von Count is using a radical new campaign plan called the "Write In Revolution". He is seeking to gain a more intimate relationship with the American public and he feels that the best way to judge his success is by denying himself any name recognition at the polls and requesting his supporters write his name on the ballots. If he succeeds he will become the first president in US history elected without a major party, elected solely by write in votes, and the first of his muppet/vampire minorities to be elected (a huge step forward for both minorities).

Now you may be raising some questions about Count Von Count's qualifications for president. These can be dispelled quickly. Count Von Count is 35 years old, he turned 35 on November 1st this year. Count Von Count is a third generation American, his grandparents immigrated from Transylvania during the Industrial Revolution. While The Count may lack experience in public office he does not lack the experience working with others and representing others best interests. For example on April 26, 1973 The Count was able to work through differences with fellow educator Cookie Monster in able to teach children to count using cookies. Can the Count handle the fiscal responsibilities of being President? If the counts name doesn't speak to that perhaps his arithmomania will answer. The Count keeps close tabs on his own finances, as shown on bank security films from November 12, 1974. Despite his title the Count knows the working mans needs. He has worked as an educator and actor for 35 years now and has done brief stints as a musician. For a short period in 1993 Count Von Count worked as an elevator operator.

I believe Count Von Count's track record will show that he is the best man to sit in the Oval Office for the next four years. So join the Write In Revolution and vote for Count Von Count for President of the United States in 2008!

PB '11, RH '11, AJ '11

1 comment:

Mark Elrod said...

Who is going to "count" the votes?