Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Educated Guesses

Educated Guesses: What Will Dr. Burks Do After Retiring?

-Become a chapel checker
-Give play by play commentary of Chapel for TV16
-Turn into a llama and attempt to reclaim his job from his adviser who is a secret evil scientist and who employs a not so bright henchman that coincidentally is an excellent cook. Along the way he will become friends with a shepherd and build an awesome lap-pool called Burks-O-Topia,, and in the end the scientist will turn into a kitten and the henchman will become a scout troop leader. (Whoa! I’m getting a serious case of déjà vu right now. How about you Kuzco?)
-Take up knitting
-Make futile attempts at learning knitting that always lead to strange déjà vu sensations that make him think he was once a llama
-Turn into a pumpkin
-Turn into a pumpkin and request to be sent to South America due to his strange intuition that pumpkins are safe there because llamas can’t digest pumpkins
-Lobby for congress to change the name of “New Mexico” to the more truthful (and less consequential) “Mint-Condition Mexico”.
-Fake his death and move into the secret closet of Pryor 123 with Tupac Shakur and become a mutli-platinum rapper under the direction of Tupac’s secret producer Dr. John Moon, Jr.
-Win a Nobel Prize in science for his groundbreaking expose on the dialectic stage of pocket lent
-Run across America and coin potently simple and deceptively wise anecdotes that will someday inspire a movie
-Experiment with Cryogenics
-Sponsor Harding’s new Bocce Ball club
-Secretly move up to two facials a day from his already secret one

PRB '11, WR '11

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