Count Von Count Update

Many of you have asked how Count Von Count has shown in the primaries and so forth. (Not really, but I like to pretend like my entries are relevant to the readers' needs) Count Von Count has indeed been in Iowa and New Hampshire the past few months. In fact the Count was splitting his time between Iowa and New Hampshire while maintaining his position on the TV show Sesame Street.

How is this possible? It is rather interesting how our caped candidate managed to be available to so many citizens. As many of you know the Count is part vampire. With this comes the ability to turn into a bat and fly. Now Sesame Street, Count Von Count's long running job, tapes at 6:00 AM EST and a typical taping lasts two hours, so Count Von Count leaves New York City at 8:00 AM and flies west to New Hampshire arriving at approximately 8:45 AM. Here he grabs breakfast at local restaurants and mingles with the people of New Hampshire for about four hours, leaving around 1:00 PM EST. Count arrives in Iowa at 3:00 CST after three hours of flight. He then attempts to rally his support here for around six hours, leaving Iowa at 9:00 PM CST and arriving back in New York at 2:00 AM EST. Typically this would make for a very tiring day, but vampires/muppets require little to no sleep. The Count spends the last four hours of his day reviewing his strategy for the next day and relaxing with his family.

Now many of you are wondering why you haven't heard about Count's results in these states. Could it be (you are certainly wondering) that he received zero votes and is a miserable failure? Not at all. No, the Count has actually been quite successful in these states. However, the Count does not have much to show for his campaign because he was not included in the caucuses or the primaries. Now, you all know (because you are soooo intelligent) that anyone who pays the $1000.00 entry fee may run in the New Hampshire Primaries. However, due to the nature of his campaign Count didn't enter the primary. He is hoping to throw the polls by encouraging voters to write him in. Also, the majority of Count supporters have never voted before. So in the following weeks there will be a special segment of Sesame Street in which
Count will teach citizens how to go through the voting process.

So now you know that our favorite Vampire is still in this race. The Count will be looking to expand his campaign across the US. So look for the black bat in your area in the upcoming year.

PB '11