Monday, October 10, 2011

Columbus the Childrens Programming Producer

Columbus was known for claiming things already owned by others well before claiming the Caribbean Islands for Spain. This lead to one particularly embarrassing event that went something like this:

A drunken Chris walks into the throne room of Philip (KP) and Isabella (QI) with a pony
CC: "Your Highnesses! Don't think you can get rid of me this easily. I will keep after you til you send me on a westward route to Asia!"
KP: "Chris I don't know what you're talking about, we've told you we'll give you the money at the beginning of the next fiscal year."
CC: "Don't know what I'm talking about! That's rich! You're just getting richer by the day, with nothing to spare for your old explorer buddy."
QI: "Enough nonsense! Why do you have that thing in my palace? I just had the floors done."
CC: "I just found this thing in my bed! Think I wouldn't notice a small horse in my bed? Well its my little horse now and there's nothing you ninnies can do about it!"
KP: (aside to his guard) "I told you to put a severed horse head in his bed. As a threat."
Guard: "I thought you said to put a stunted horse kid in his bed. For laughs."
KP: "Look you can keep the little horsey, its our gift to you to show you we're still thinking of you."
CC: "Oh I'm keeping it. I'm naming it Pony and painting it pretty pastel colors. And feeding it skittles so it poops rainbows. YOU HEAR ME THIS IS MY LITTLE PONY!"
KP: "What are skittles?"
QI: "Fine, but know this is the last of your demands we will put up with."
CC: "Oh you say that now, but once I'm in explorer mode I'll be famous and you'll give me what I want, like a talking backpack and map that shows up when I call for it. And I'll be allowed to ask the invisible people for help whenever I want. Cause that's what it means to be AN EXPLORA oh good SENORA!"
QI: "That doesn't really rhyme."
KP: "What's a backpack?"
CC: "C'mon My Little Pony let's go show these ingrates the magic of friendship. I'll let you come on the exploration with me." (to Philip and Isabella) "Peace!"
Columbus exits hastily with his small horse. Isabella and Philip sigh in relief.
KP: "Thank god that man doesn't have children they'd be frightened to death of the things of which he speaks."
QI: "I need to go puke now."

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