Thursday, February 28, 2008

Harding Humor's Android Control Programming Guide

Due to encounters with androids on campus, encounters meaning Ryan and I being stalked by androids, I have developed this handy guide to programming your own androids.

Code 1:

100101010101010101010100101010100000010101000010101010101010101001

If you are an android and you just read that, you are now compelled to read the rest of these codes and return periodically for more programming updates. That's right you've been tricked. I have no androids of my own, but by spying on me you have infected your own programming and are now under my control every day from 4:12 PM until 5:59 PM. Ha! Retaliate that!

Code 2:

100101010101010101010101010111111011

If you are an android and you just read that, you are now compelled to pour chocolate sauce on every Harding logo you see. (Sorry ServiceMaster but the androids have forced me to turn the tabe's and start using them as a guerrilla force of mild annoyance until they are reprogrammed to stop stalking me.)

Code 3:

101010101000100010101010100000101010

If you are an android and you just read that, you are now compelled to go to chapel everyday and not use any of your skips. If you are not an android know that I would never wish this travesty on you, although I do find it suspicious that you are still reading this without compulsion programming.

Code 4:

10001010101010101010101010101010100010000001010001

If you are an android and you just read that, you are now compelled to turn to a game show when your career washes up in 20 years.

Code 5:

101010101110101011

This is the simplest code of all. If you are an android and you just read that, you are now compelled to vote for David Manes of Political Cartel for a political blogging scholarship by clicking on the following link.

LINK

If you are not an android, I don't want to force you to vote, but might I persuade you to support a fellow Harding student, so that we might gain some national respect. I'd like that, then we would be picking on someone our own size. Check it out and decide for yourself. Besides, Mr. Manes can't pay me kickbacks to not make fun of him if he's all paying for school and stuff ( just kidding) (for now anyways).

Sir Knight Patrick Baird, Esquire
Editor-In-Chief
Harding Humor

1 comment:

David M Manes said...

Ha, awesome man. Thanks!